Revelations. And not the apocalyptic kind.

There are times in life when you just have to sit back, relax, and not stress about anything. And my reaction to that is...

WTF? O_O

Most people who know me well know that this is a difficult concept for me to wrap my head around, since I am a chronic stress-er (about just about everything) and not only do I over-analyze, but I will occasionally stress myself into illness. It stems from my childhood; I used to get really bad stomach aches when I was scared, upset or stressed about things. This last spring semester I had a terrible stomach ache that lasted two days straight (from just one class, Theatre History) and I believe that this phenomenon has gotten so bad that it happens even when I don't realize I'm stressed.

I have had on-again, off-again head and body aches for about 5 days now. It started around the time the mini-mester ended and I was getting geared up to study for two finals that, in all honesty, I wasn't really that worried about, grade-wise. Nonetheless, I put myself to bed early Wednesday night in the hopes that the aches would be gone by the time I woke up.

They weren't.

In fact, that night I was shivering AND achy, and when I woke up my headache was, if anything, worse. While the body aches have dissipated, the headache has remained ever since.

But here's where I'm starting to have a revelation in life.

Finals were over Saturday, and I celebrated by watching Finding Nemo with Kelly and just generally being silly. It was a great way to unwind after a day feverishly trying to cram in all the last facts I needed to know about Sartrean Inauthenticity, Emerson's non-conformity and the differences in views on practical rationality. I went home determined NOT to wake up until ABSOLUTELY necessary, and was largely successful. This morning I woke up, took my time getting ready for the day, lay in bed a few hours reading and then headed to the pool for an all-day love-fest with Kelly, KDav, Sarah Jean and Benjamin. We swam around, lay out, got pizza at Mellow Mushroom, got caught in a raging storm, finally got home and baked cookies and watched True Grit and Angels and Demons, both of which we rented from the Red Box at Walmart. All in all, it was a pretty fantastic day.

None of which was interrupted by my 5-day, persistent headache.

DO YOU SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING? Even when I DON'T think I'm stressed about things, I really am. And see what it's doing to me? It's turning me into a bundle of pain and discomfort, neither of which I really want to be. Today was the first day in 5 weeks I've had to just do whatever I want without worrying about getting work done afterward. I genuinely forgot about all the work I have left for this summer (because trust me, I have a disgustingly long laundry list of things to do before LeakyCon and school starts in August). I actually allowed myself a day free of worry.

And I don't remember the last time I had a day free of worry.

So I guess I'm slowly coming to the realization that I have to make some changes in my life. I simply cannot afford to make myself sick over things that ultimately will change nothing. Prioritizing is a good thing. Nay, it is a great thing. One that I am not yet good at and will need to work on mastering, of course, but what is it they say? Acknowledging you have a problem is the first step to fixing it? Or something like that? That may be the generalized version, but whatever xD

It's not going to be an easy process. Already at the mention of the impending work load I have for the coming weeks, the twinge in my left temple signaling my headache is back a bit. I think breaking some of these habits is going to be some of the toughest work on myself I've ever done. But in the long run, it will only make me a stronger person. And I, for one, can't wait to meet the improved, stress-free me =]

HPRT: 18 days until I see the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2 Advanced Screening for LeakyCon attendees. Everyone else in the country has to wait until the midnight showing, but NOT US!!! >:]
Current Book: City of Ashes by Cassondra Clare. I'm re-reading the whole series so I can finally read City of Fallen Angels.
Current Song: Adele Medley by Alex Goot, Justin Robinett and Michael Henry